Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
