Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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