just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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