Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
