im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
