so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
