i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just pynch a tree in the face
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
