We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
