I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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