just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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