So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
