I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke