i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.