You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.