It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.