Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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