Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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