Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
