Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
