cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
