When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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