Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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