maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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