Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
