I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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