so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
