u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The air was thick with penises
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
