Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
