i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
