I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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