I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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