Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
