I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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