He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In other news, I just burned my penis
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
