I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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