He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
