Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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