dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
