he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
