I cannot find my penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
