break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
