Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
