well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
