In the future we'll all be gay
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize