need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
