I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
