so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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