i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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