I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
