I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
