I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
