I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
