Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this boner is exhausting
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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