smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
