so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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