Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
