she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
