Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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