How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
