I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
