I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
