ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
