Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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