I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
