Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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