1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
