FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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