david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
