worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
