i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
