oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
