I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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