a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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