he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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