end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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