I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
