every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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